Since I was very young, I remember thinking there was something wrong with my body or areas that needed improvement. I woke up every morning feeling unsatisfied with my appearance since the first grade. I always thought I needed to lose weight in order to fit in. This was a spiral throughout elementary, middle, high school, and even into college where I always felt like my body wasn’t good enough and people would like me more if I lost weight.
My weight would fluctuate, I’d go on diets and get discouraged, then overeat — over and over again. I hated my “tree trunk” legs and could only see the flaws in my appearance. I was also very self conscious about having impetigo, a skin condition. I thought it was the only thing people would see when they looked at me.
Looking back, I believe I needed to be a bit curvier, especially when I was going through endocarditis. I wouldn’t have survived all the complications if I was very thin.
Grace has helped me finally push through self-loathing into knowing my body is powerful and strong. It put me through high school and college when my health was at its rockiest. It has handled seizures, strokes, and very thin blood, but is still high performing to this day.
My dialogue now is that I do not want to be skinny, I want to be healthy. For me, healthy is monitoring and regulating the thickness of my blood consistently. It means getting seven or eight hours of sleep and trusting my body when it tells me to slow down or eat differently.
I know body image issues are not unique to me. Almost every woman I’ve ever met has something about their body they don’t like. But I want to tell you right now that your body is more than good enough. I needed to learn to accept my body type and love everything it does to keep me going. Self-care is a term thrown around in the entrepreneur and business owner world, and the women’s world in general. I believe the first step to self care is thanking our bodies as they are. None of us will ever have the “perfect” body because perfect isn’t real. I hope you can look yourself in the mirror and truly accept how beautiful you are.
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